Dealing with Death

I've had to spend a lot of time recently working with papers that deal with matters of my mothers estate. I feel for anyone who has a parent who dies and leaves anything of value. My mother died in a decent and caring environment, but she was there courtesy of public assistance. By law and by circumstance my mother had the clothes on her back and enough money to give her a decent burial.

You would think that my job , as her Administrator of health care and with a Power of Attorney (POA) in hand , would be simple. But that is not ever the way these things work. It's not that the laws and the bureaucracy deliberately try to be mind numbingly oblique and at the same time precise and demanding. No, the problem is that you don't do this kind of thing often enough to get to know the subtle in and outs of negotiation and navigation of the troubled waters and rocky reefs of the process.

First of all you have to understand one thing. The person that can give you the most help is the one that gives you the form that you absolutely need to complete the process, but they are required by law to tell you that you haven't provided all of or the right information on said form. However they can't tell you how to find, where to find or what information will open the gates. They try to be helpful, but honestly they can only do so much or they get into a lot of trouble.

There is the paid expert route, but let's remember we are talking about an amount of money that amounts to someones real estate tax bill for one year.

I could have helped mom prepare better. I did my best when we put her in the rest home. My mom suffered from dementia and even getting he POA and legal right to administer her health care was dicey. Was she aware of the power she was giving to me? The people that witnessed the documents thought so.

I purchased the allowable amounts of insurance that would allow us to give he a decent send off. I arranged for her funeral. And to be honest, those arrangements went off flawlessly. The lady that was administering my mothers case for the County was helpful and accommodating. and the folks at the funeral home were expert and considerate professionals

In the end, if your lucky, you might have a friend who has lost a parent recently and having run this race will know the route. In this case, shared misery is good company.