Constantly Strapped

While many things can be irritating and God knows I write in my blog in order to vent my irritations, shoulder straps rate right up there with the profusion of broccoli in restaurant dishes and the sound of crying babies.
My shoulders do not accept shoulder straps. They don't have the configuration, slop or convenient notch for which shoulder straps are designed. I can sling a hang bag onto my left shoulder and the carry-on bag over the right, which leaves my hands free for opening doors and fumbling for tickets, but all I have to do is start walking and both bags start slipping toward the front and eventually the floor.

Leaning over for any reason will start a mass evacuation of my load. Lean out to open a door with my right hand and the carry bag slips immediately down my arm and requires me to raise my arm to stop it from falling to the floor. Unless of course the strap isn't already hanging loose because the bag is on the floor, as can happen if the straps are long enough.

Reaching into my front pockets, where I normally carry my wallet, causes an avalanche. Most of the time this involves both bags, but often I can save the situation by letting one bag go and humping my shoulder to stop the other. Either way, I have to lean down to get the one that got away. I have to sling the rescued bag onto my back hip and if I don't take care ... well I might as well not have bothered. Sometimes it's just better to drop them both, do what ever I have to do and remount the load.

I can walk for blocks with a bags slung over my shoulder, if I don't need to do anything other than walk, eyes forward, and don't encountering any traffic. Does that sound like the typical airport, downtown street or public building experience to you? I think not. As I navigate these challenges, one inadvertent contact, one tick of a bag edge on a corner wall, public bench or a passing pedestrian and the abandon ship signal is passed from load to strap and the inevitable escape plan is launched. So as I walk I am constantly hiking the straps back up on my shoulders either one at a time or both simultaneously.

Does the strap design make any difference, Jeff? Hell No! I have an athletic bag that has a strap that attaches across the load instead of the traditional end for end. It also has a very generous width padded strap that literally covers my shoulder. It works somewhat better, but wins no prize in the "strap design that will work on Jeff's shoulder"contest.

It's true that if I bandoleer the straps across my shoulders I can get from point A to Point B without constantly readjusting the load, but than I feel like a kid in a snowsuit trying to do ballet steps.
No, the truth is just like my inability to execute a consistent inside out path on my golf swing so that I can get that sweet right to left path on my golf shots, dreams of shoulder straps that work on my shoulders is a dream and a dream only.

"Honey, can I have the roller bag for this trip? "