Addiction

My friend Johnny B and I were having a conversation about our mutual problem. As John and I might have said back-in-the-day, we both drank a bit. A bit too much was the problem. I still think Robin Williams pegged it when he talked about addiction. First it’s fun, than it’s fun with problems and than it’s just problems. Some of us are able to deal with it in ways that stop the problems and for most of us that means total abstinence. As I have told anyone that was interested, I am a man of addictions. I have become very good at dealing with my demons, because I’ve had a lot of practice.

One thing that John and I discussed is the feeling of lost time. It goes through your mind, as you get older, how much you could have done if you weren’t dealing with your hangover’s, figuring out where your next drink was coming from and wasting all of that money.

In a way, it’s the opposite of future anxiety. I’ve written elsewhere that one thing I notice people do and one of the reasons they acquire so many material things that end up in the garage or on e-bay is they somehow think their life will be better if they just bought… (you fill in the blank). It can be the same in reverse. My life would have been better if I hadn’t spent all the time energy and treasury on booz. That may be right but it can also be an excuse for not doing something you might not have been capable of doing in any case.

What John and I shared is the feeling of having to get something done before we can’t do anything. John is doing some creative and useful woodworking. I strive to become a writer. What we agreeded was that the common element in our efforts is the feeling of not just striving, but the need to make up for lost time. Hum, could we be turning a goal into a compulsion? Could that compulsion become and addiction? So predictable!